Monday, December 3, 2007
Sunday, July 1, 2007
ANGER MANAGEMENT
On Monday, I had gone to my bank to withdraw some money. And because I did not want to waste time on the queue, I decided to use my ATM card for fast cash. After inserting the card and going through the whole process, the machine brought out my card without the money. A slip came out though, with a message; your financial institution not available.
Well, I decided to write a cheque though that would entail queuing but I had no choice. However, I was shocked when the cashier that was meant to pay me told me that I did not have enough money to cover the amount I wanted to withdraw. ”No”, I told her, ”check your records again because the first thing I did when I walked into this bank was to check my balance”. After sometime, she told me I had just made a withdrawal of N20,000 with my ATM card. I told her I could not withdraw because there was obviously a problem with the machine, and I showed her the slip. ”Ah, the ATM has debited your account, go to customer care service”. When I got to the customer service care, I was directed to another section where I met a gentleman in the same predicament. We were told to write a letter to the branch manager, explaining what happened and then wait. Till when? Even the branch manager did not know. ”The machine will eventually do an auto reverse and credit you. There is nothing more we can do than for you to wait”. When the gentleman told him he had a flight to catch and needed that money desperately, he replied, ”what do you want me to do?
That was simply too much for me. I got annoyed and told them I was not going to write any letter to get my money back and that I was not going to be there another day and that they should be very quick about getting my money back whether by auto or manual reverse because I had work to do and was not keen on wasting my time sitting in a bank.
I made so much noise that they did not wait for the auto reverse anymore but credited (back) our accounts. However, I did not particularly feel so good with myself afterwards. Why? Because I felt I could have managed my anger better. There and then, I made a decision to consciously watch myself henceforth and avoid situations where I would have to act in anger and regret afterwards no matter the results I get.
No matter how calm you are as a person, the truth is one day you do get angry. Then what would you do? Would you throw things around and abuse everyone around you?
Anger, experts say, is a useful emotion when it is well used. It can get you moving, stimulate you to be honest (say something you‘ve been meaning to say), give you the energy to protect yourself or your values, to stand up for something.
However when used inappropriately, it can lead to aggression and saying things ‘in the heat of the moment‘ that are later regretted. Ideas expressed when you are very angry are often said in hurtful ways; they can get other people offside or afraid of having further contact with you.
The bottomline is that you can‘t avoid people or things that irritate you - but you can learn to control how you react to it. Anger management, psychologists at Psychiatric Hospital, Columbia, South Carolina, Werber Bryan and Robert John McCrary in their article, ‘Anger management’; A ”How-To” Guide say that managing anger is often managing communication.
”For two people to communicate clearly, there needs to be a talker and a listener. However, in an argument, there are two talkers and no listeners! Thus, to resolve an argument, one must remember several techniques of good communication”. It is also important, experts say to understand anger in order to manage it effectively.
So, where does anger come from? A certified emotional coach, Susan Dunn, in her article: “Dealing with anger; understanding anger,” says that anger, in its rawest form, comes from the primitive, or reptilian brain. ”Emotions from the reptilian brain are designed for survival, and are stronger than our thoughts will ever be. If we didn‘t pay attention to them, we might come into harm‘s way. They‘re designed to preclude thinking. When the insult comes, or the push, or the threat, we react and just as if there were a beast in front of us, threatening our life. Adrenalin starts pumping and we move into fight-or-flight. There‘s no time to think, or we‘d be dead and at least the way the emotion was originally designed to operate. The trouble is, today, there are a few real threats to our existence, but our bodies don‘t know the difference, and so we react”.
And how should we deal with anger? Many people believe that when one ignores anger it goes away. But Dunn says that ignoring anger will cost us more than if we confronted it. She says, ”Our emotions are our guides. Anger tells us something is wrong, we need to deal with. And even if ”you” choose to ignore it, your body isn‘t. It will talk to you in migraines, back pain, ulcers and depression. Anger compromises the immune system. Illness ensues. It isn‘t a question of whether or not you can ignore it; you can‘t.
Health and medical writer, Chris Woolston, says you can take these steps towards effectively managing anger;
-Speak up when an issue is important to you. This doesn‘t mean that you have to make a case out of every minor irritation that comes your way, but that you take a stand on issues that would make you feel unhappy and resentful if you remain silent.
-Take a time-out. Sometimes, a good fight clears the air, but more often it just reinforces old patterns. If you feel anger so intense your heart is pounding, ask for some time to sort things out before talking about it. Do this in another part of the house or go outside -- away from the person to whom you were directing your anger initially. Take as much time as you need to calm down completely before returning.
-Figure out the cause of your anger. Ask yourself what the real issue is, what is it about the situation that is making you angry, what you think and feel, what you want to accomplish or change, who is responsible for what, and what the things are that you will and won‘t do. ”These may seem like simple questions, but it is amazing how frequently we march off to battle without knowing what the war is about.”
-Fight fair. Don‘t blame, label, threaten, diagnose, preach, ridicule, order, or make ultimatums. No matter whether you grew up around these underhanded tactics, try to never use them in an argument, and most importantly, don‘t be contemptuous or put the other person down.
Well, I decided to write a cheque though that would entail queuing but I had no choice. However, I was shocked when the cashier that was meant to pay me told me that I did not have enough money to cover the amount I wanted to withdraw. ”No”, I told her, ”check your records again because the first thing I did when I walked into this bank was to check my balance”. After sometime, she told me I had just made a withdrawal of N20,000 with my ATM card. I told her I could not withdraw because there was obviously a problem with the machine, and I showed her the slip. ”Ah, the ATM has debited your account, go to customer care service”. When I got to the customer service care, I was directed to another section where I met a gentleman in the same predicament. We were told to write a letter to the branch manager, explaining what happened and then wait. Till when? Even the branch manager did not know. ”The machine will eventually do an auto reverse and credit you. There is nothing more we can do than for you to wait”. When the gentleman told him he had a flight to catch and needed that money desperately, he replied, ”what do you want me to do?
That was simply too much for me. I got annoyed and told them I was not going to write any letter to get my money back and that I was not going to be there another day and that they should be very quick about getting my money back whether by auto or manual reverse because I had work to do and was not keen on wasting my time sitting in a bank.
I made so much noise that they did not wait for the auto reverse anymore but credited (back) our accounts. However, I did not particularly feel so good with myself afterwards. Why? Because I felt I could have managed my anger better. There and then, I made a decision to consciously watch myself henceforth and avoid situations where I would have to act in anger and regret afterwards no matter the results I get.
No matter how calm you are as a person, the truth is one day you do get angry. Then what would you do? Would you throw things around and abuse everyone around you?
Anger, experts say, is a useful emotion when it is well used. It can get you moving, stimulate you to be honest (say something you‘ve been meaning to say), give you the energy to protect yourself or your values, to stand up for something.
However when used inappropriately, it can lead to aggression and saying things ‘in the heat of the moment‘ that are later regretted. Ideas expressed when you are very angry are often said in hurtful ways; they can get other people offside or afraid of having further contact with you.
The bottomline is that you can‘t avoid people or things that irritate you - but you can learn to control how you react to it. Anger management, psychologists at Psychiatric Hospital, Columbia, South Carolina, Werber Bryan and Robert John McCrary in their article, ‘Anger management’; A ”How-To” Guide say that managing anger is often managing communication.
”For two people to communicate clearly, there needs to be a talker and a listener. However, in an argument, there are two talkers and no listeners! Thus, to resolve an argument, one must remember several techniques of good communication”. It is also important, experts say to understand anger in order to manage it effectively.
So, where does anger come from? A certified emotional coach, Susan Dunn, in her article: “Dealing with anger; understanding anger,” says that anger, in its rawest form, comes from the primitive, or reptilian brain. ”Emotions from the reptilian brain are designed for survival, and are stronger than our thoughts will ever be. If we didn‘t pay attention to them, we might come into harm‘s way. They‘re designed to preclude thinking. When the insult comes, or the push, or the threat, we react and just as if there were a beast in front of us, threatening our life. Adrenalin starts pumping and we move into fight-or-flight. There‘s no time to think, or we‘d be dead and at least the way the emotion was originally designed to operate. The trouble is, today, there are a few real threats to our existence, but our bodies don‘t know the difference, and so we react”.
And how should we deal with anger? Many people believe that when one ignores anger it goes away. But Dunn says that ignoring anger will cost us more than if we confronted it. She says, ”Our emotions are our guides. Anger tells us something is wrong, we need to deal with. And even if ”you” choose to ignore it, your body isn‘t. It will talk to you in migraines, back pain, ulcers and depression. Anger compromises the immune system. Illness ensues. It isn‘t a question of whether or not you can ignore it; you can‘t.
Health and medical writer, Chris Woolston, says you can take these steps towards effectively managing anger;
-Speak up when an issue is important to you. This doesn‘t mean that you have to make a case out of every minor irritation that comes your way, but that you take a stand on issues that would make you feel unhappy and resentful if you remain silent.
-Take a time-out. Sometimes, a good fight clears the air, but more often it just reinforces old patterns. If you feel anger so intense your heart is pounding, ask for some time to sort things out before talking about it. Do this in another part of the house or go outside -- away from the person to whom you were directing your anger initially. Take as much time as you need to calm down completely before returning.
-Figure out the cause of your anger. Ask yourself what the real issue is, what is it about the situation that is making you angry, what you think and feel, what you want to accomplish or change, who is responsible for what, and what the things are that you will and won‘t do. ”These may seem like simple questions, but it is amazing how frequently we march off to battle without knowing what the war is about.”
-Fight fair. Don‘t blame, label, threaten, diagnose, preach, ridicule, order, or make ultimatums. No matter whether you grew up around these underhanded tactics, try to never use them in an argument, and most importantly, don‘t be contemptuous or put the other person down.
Friday, June 1, 2007
GOOD WILL MESSAGE TO THE INCOMING GOVERNMENT
Congratulations Mr President !!!
Amidst all the hitches in the election you came out tops.Many preferred you to be the man to lead Nigeria to the promised land why others didnt think you were the man.Amongs all the hitches and the landmark victory people still believe in you.It does spell good for democrazy in Nigeria knowing that the first civilian to civilian transition was peaceful.So far so good with what you did as a Governor it does seem that you are capable of the task ahead.Like someone said ruling Nigeria is not a hard task with the right resources and persons.You are a new generation of leaders and we expect nothing short of Success in your 4years tenure.
Its sad to know that the former administration did not leave behind a standard for you to bank on.This is the first challenge in your rule as president.You need to set your standards high for all to see and know you have something to offer.It will be much easier to start up with credible officials than corrupt officials who have nothing but more fraud to offer.Most of the continuing Ministers should not be allowed to continue.I think its best you reward them by their performance for the former administration.Anyone that didnt perform should be kicked out for your tenure to be a success.The former administration left with you with a big task at hand and that is the increment of fuel price to N75 before hand over.It is outrageous for an oil producing Nation like ours.Something needs to be done to reduce it asap.We need to start buying fuel for nothing more than N50 a litre.
I know it will take time but to make the people happy and clear poverty you need to address their greatest need and that is making movement affordable for all.This cant be achieved with fuel being sold for N75 a litre.It is not acceptable and starting on this will make most people see your tenure as not successful.We know you have to be loyal to your party officials that put you there but we did say leaving a lasting legacy for your generation would do you more good than riches.You should let nothing stop you from achieving your dreams and making your tenure a success.You didnt beg to be President you were begged and you meaning you are answerable to no one but the masses and the people of Nigeria.I liked the suggestion of one writer of you creating a website or email for people to contribute at times.To be successful in a Country like ours you need the masses and no one knows it all.You are answerable to them not the P.D.P.
Wisdom is knowing what to do and doing it.You came in with a vision and to be successful you need the wisdom of kings and high flyers around you.Your deputy looks an active man.We hope he uses his activeness to the benefit of NIGERIA.In all you do dont forget NIGERIANS would hold you accountable.We hope you achieve the seven key fundamental issues you highlighted in your interviews.A good name is better than riches so go for it andmake your generation proud of you.You have all it takes to make your reign a success.Change the face of Nigeria politicans to make NIGERIANS trust their politicians again.We also hope corrupt officials both past and new pay for the pains they have made the people pass through due to their selfish ends.
Having the people behind you is better than having P.D.P behind you.We would keep a check on your progress.We wish you the best and hope you breath smiles on the face of NIGERIANS in your reign as the doubted trusted one.
Long Live The Federal Republic Of Nigeria!!!
Long Live The President!!!
Long Live The People!!!
Amidst all the hitches in the election you came out tops.Many preferred you to be the man to lead Nigeria to the promised land why others didnt think you were the man.Amongs all the hitches and the landmark victory people still believe in you.It does spell good for democrazy in Nigeria knowing that the first civilian to civilian transition was peaceful.So far so good with what you did as a Governor it does seem that you are capable of the task ahead.Like someone said ruling Nigeria is not a hard task with the right resources and persons.You are a new generation of leaders and we expect nothing short of Success in your 4years tenure.
Its sad to know that the former administration did not leave behind a standard for you to bank on.This is the first challenge in your rule as president.You need to set your standards high for all to see and know you have something to offer.It will be much easier to start up with credible officials than corrupt officials who have nothing but more fraud to offer.Most of the continuing Ministers should not be allowed to continue.I think its best you reward them by their performance for the former administration.Anyone that didnt perform should be kicked out for your tenure to be a success.The former administration left with you with a big task at hand and that is the increment of fuel price to N75 before hand over.It is outrageous for an oil producing Nation like ours.Something needs to be done to reduce it asap.We need to start buying fuel for nothing more than N50 a litre.
I know it will take time but to make the people happy and clear poverty you need to address their greatest need and that is making movement affordable for all.This cant be achieved with fuel being sold for N75 a litre.It is not acceptable and starting on this will make most people see your tenure as not successful.We know you have to be loyal to your party officials that put you there but we did say leaving a lasting legacy for your generation would do you more good than riches.You should let nothing stop you from achieving your dreams and making your tenure a success.You didnt beg to be President you were begged and you meaning you are answerable to no one but the masses and the people of Nigeria.I liked the suggestion of one writer of you creating a website or email for people to contribute at times.To be successful in a Country like ours you need the masses and no one knows it all.You are answerable to them not the P.D.P.
Wisdom is knowing what to do and doing it.You came in with a vision and to be successful you need the wisdom of kings and high flyers around you.Your deputy looks an active man.We hope he uses his activeness to the benefit of NIGERIA.In all you do dont forget NIGERIANS would hold you accountable.We hope you achieve the seven key fundamental issues you highlighted in your interviews.A good name is better than riches so go for it andmake your generation proud of you.You have all it takes to make your reign a success.Change the face of Nigeria politicans to make NIGERIANS trust their politicians again.We also hope corrupt officials both past and new pay for the pains they have made the people pass through due to their selfish ends.
Having the people behind you is better than having P.D.P behind you.We would keep a check on your progress.We wish you the best and hope you breath smiles on the face of NIGERIANS in your reign as the doubted trusted one.
Long Live The Federal Republic Of Nigeria!!!
Long Live The President!!!
Long Live The People!!!
Friday, March 23, 2007
LOST LOVE
She isn’t mine
My love slipped away; yes I know she is the one
But she keeps saying she isn’t the one
She claims the love was not real
But I know this is not how she feels
I remember our ups and downs
Rise and falls
Days when we hate each other
And days we cant do without each other
When you laughed I laughed
When you cried, I cried
When you yelled I listened
When you smiled I trembled
When you happy am happy
Now we headed for a downfall
I will miss all you had given to me
Your love, your emotion, and your care
And all this I hope we still share
Now my heart is made of ice
Especially when I look into you eyes
Thinking How come you could have done this to me
I guess is fair to say love is actually blind
My love for you is not blind
However I have been a fool with love
This is the thing that would keep hounding me until you are mine
What a lost love….
Special Thanks
@Kola.
My love slipped away; yes I know she is the one
But she keeps saying she isn’t the one
She claims the love was not real
But I know this is not how she feels
I remember our ups and downs
Rise and falls
Days when we hate each other
And days we cant do without each other
When you laughed I laughed
When you cried, I cried
When you yelled I listened
When you smiled I trembled
When you happy am happy
Now we headed for a downfall
I will miss all you had given to me
Your love, your emotion, and your care
And all this I hope we still share
Now my heart is made of ice
Especially when I look into you eyes
Thinking How come you could have done this to me
I guess is fair to say love is actually blind
My love for you is not blind
However I have been a fool with love
This is the thing that would keep hounding me until you are mine
What a lost love….
Special Thanks
@Kola.
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